Saturday, May 3, 2008

Meeg at the Movies: I Know Who Killed Me

So let me start out by saying that EVERYONE should see I Know Who Killed Me. You might have heard how this 2007 thriller starring Lindsay Lohan bombed at the box office. As Nicole put it, the movie is both better and worse than you imagine. It's "better" because it's actually very watchable and entertaining, and it's "worse" because it makes no sense.

IKWKM is a slasher movie. I won't give too much away, but Lindsay plays a goody two shoes high school girl (with her trademark husky voice). After one of her schoolmates disappears and her dismembered body is found, the FBI comes to town -- somehow divining, I guess, that this will turn into a serial killer case even though this is the first girl to turn up dead. Sure enough, Lindsay is the next to disappear. A few weeks later she's found on the side of the road, still alive but minus an arm and a leg. Yet, when she's questioned about what the hell happened to her, she swears that she's not the missing high schooler but rather a stripper from the wrong side of the tracks with a hackneyed backstory. Everyone figures she's just gone cray cray given that her injuries are identical to those of dead girl and -- you know -- she looks just like the missing girl right down to her highlights. But she insistently sticks to her "consistent" story. So then what happened to her arm and her leg? It's a mystery....

When we start to get answers they are absolutely ridiculous. I clearly remember being like "Oh no!" when the explaining began because I could see the direction they were going in. I've read some online comments on the movie where viewers were like "come on, the whole second half of the movie is only happening in her head" which I can understand seeing how nonsensical the plot is, but there's really nothing explicit in the movie to suggest this is the case.

This movie also has some of the most awesomely bad dialogue ever, lines such as "Do I look like I'm in a fucking coma?", "Sometimes people get cut" and my personal favorite "Hospitals are for rich people." (The Democrats should really reference this movie when talking about health care reform.) And Lindsay does get to say the title sentence (which is really reminiscent of classic Italian slasher movies such as "Who Saw Her Die?" (Chi l'ha vista morire?) when you think about it) at some point.

Julia Ormond plays Lindsay's mom in the "What's she doing in this movie?" role, and the Crab Man makes an appearance as the prosthetics technician who fits Lilo with her sci-fi robo-arm in a scene which brings nothing to mind so much as when Luke Skywalker gets a new arm in the Empire Strikes Back.

So what else can I say to make you watch this movie? Is there some awkward non-topless pole dancing? Yes. Is there a sex scene with amputee Lindsay? Oh yes; I like to think that this movie must have been like a Christmas present for amputee fetishists.

It's also a lot of fun to identify and discuss all of the movie's many inconsistencies. For example, high school Lohan is supposed to be all innocent and virginal but then there's this one scene (she is fully dressed -- wearing a sweater -- and yet somehow it is amazingly obscene) where she flirts it up pretty hardcore with this dirty lawncare guy. What's up with that?

The director was apparently oblivious to the fact that he was making a movie destined to sit on the same shelf as Showgirls, and he tries to get all arty with the cinematography. He mostly does this by hitting the audience over the head with some color-coded blue and red imagery (blue is the color of innocence and red is the color of slut, also blood). Oh and there's an owl for some reason.

So in summation, I Know Who Killed Me has some appeal as a thriller, albeit a bizarre and nonsensical one, but laughing at it adds a whole new level of enjoyment

Screenshots from IKWKM (Tracy Bennett/Tristar pictures) with Lindsay Lohan and Eddie Steeples taken from agonybooth


DLC said...

You are phenomenal. Now I want to see this stinking of merde.

Amanda Fliger said...

You hit the nail on the head with this one. I was laughing and feeling really uncomfortable all at once. The dialogue was crazy and the clueless FBI agents added a touch of class. What about the futuristic fake leg that, if not charged, will be like a piece of wood attached to your foot. Um, yeah, a fake wooden foot should never feel like that.

nola32 said...

my finger just fell off for no apparent reason. oh well, i guess i'll just sew it back on and not even question why it fell off. also, i'll avoid going to see a doctor since they're only for rich people. you know, sometimes fingers just fall off for no apparent reason.

Meeg said...

Yeah I'm sure FBI agents would get all belligerent with a high school girl who's just gone through such a traumatic expereince.